It is how a mother feels. This past week has been very rough. As a mother of adult sons, it is important to keep close tabs on my feelings and emotions. But this week that has been a little difficult.
When the boys were little there were so many injuries – both physical and emotional. In the beginning, it was really stressful, every stitch, every cut, every heartache was like an open wound on my heart. I would do ANYTHING to heal their hurt and ease their pain.
One time, I was working night shift and Grandma and Grandpa took care of Favorite First Born and Favorite Second Son while I slept and their dad worked. Well, FFB thought it would be a great idea to throw a metal basket at FSS who was looking up at him from the bottom of some stairs. Guess what happened?
About an hour later, after no sleep, I arrived at the ER to comfort FSS as he was wrapped in a cocoon getting stitches. Of course, he didn’t really need me there, but I felt his pain as if it was my own and had to go.
That’s what we do as mothers. We take on our children’s pain. And we feel it intensely.That's what we do as mothers. We take on our children's' pain. And we feel it intensely. Click To Tweet
Later, when FSS was a young adult he called me from a baseball game to come take him to the ER because his finger was dislocated. After years of experience, my response was, “Isn’t there someone there that can just pop it back?” I had learned over time to get used to their physical pain. To adjust my emotions and handle their injuries with perfect boy-mom finesse. 🙂
Fast-forward through a lifetime of broken bones, stitches, surgeries, etc. Some minor, some major. Although I can still feel their physical pain, it’s the emotional stuff that is the most difficult. When the boys hurt, I hurt. What they feel, I feel. I can see it in their eyes and hear it in their voices and it just happens. What’s even more amazing to me is I also take on Favorite Navy Wife’s and Favorite Fiance’s ! Who knew that as these beautiful women became part of my brood the emotions would run so deep?
Although I have struggled with depression for many years, this week was a bit different. I say this because as a person with depression, you notice when things are “off”. And this week, I was wondering why I felt so “off”. This week I was overwhelmed with sadness, heartache, and depression.
Then I realized. It’s them. My heart is broken for them.
You see, first, it was the dog. FNW mistakenly called me at 6:30 am. Anyone that knows me knows you don’t call me at 6:30am unless there is an emergency. Turns out there was. Jack, the dog, was injured rather seriously and she had called me by accident. Long story short, Jack is doing well. He had surgery to repair a really large cut on his abdomen and is recuperating nicely at home. Albeit with a cone of shame.
Later that same day, FSS got some difficult news resulting in the possibility he might not be able to make it to FFB’s wedding this summer. This was a bit too much for FNW and me to take in the same day. Especially for her. Just sayin’ props to the military wives out there – you guys rock!
I am so blessed that my oldest sons are so close. They are only 16 months apart and they are best friends. Neither one can imagine not being together for the wedding! My heart breaks for them both. Then there is FNW – she is sad because she misses her husband and now he might be away on deployment longer than expected. My heart breaks for her. And then FF is sad because her perfect day is being disrupted. My heart breaks for her too. And there is me – well you get the idea.
Mama’s do that. We can’t help it. We feel.
So then. What do I do with all this sadness? First, I shut down. Sleep a lot. Hide in my own pity party. But at some point, I realize it’s time to pull up my boot straps and get on with it. There is nothing about these reactions that will be helpful to me or my family or anyone for that matter. So I turn to the one thing that I should have turned to in the first place. Prayer.
Please join me in praying that something changes for FSS and he gets to be part of the wedding this summer. Please pray for his safety, as always, and FNW’s peace. Please pray for Jack and his speedy recovery. And please pray for FFB and FF, that their wedding and marriage plans will honor the Lord and be everything they hope for. And if you have some extra time, please pray for me. Pray that I can leave all of these extra emotions at the cross. Afterall, that is what every mother should do, right?
Thanks so much for reading. You are appreciated more than you know. Have a blessed Easter!