In this Post: Sharing my experience with depression and the knowledge that everything is not fine anymore.
It seems like there should be some kind of a trigger or a warning before the descent begins, but there isn’t. Everything is just fine one day and then all of a sudden it isn’t.
I could feel the edge of the slippery slope getting closer and closer. I began to linger in bed just a little longer. Unable to muster a smile. I couldn’t think clearly or make simple decisions and the things that usually brought me joy became uninteresting. The dark hole was looming.
The thing is, even if you know what is happening to you, it feels a lot like a train that is barreling down the track that you have NO WAY TO STOP. Everything is not fine anymore.
The opinions expressed on my blog are based on my own thoughts, knowledge, and experiences.
Please keep in mind that I am not a Doctor or other health professional so please consult the appropriate professional if you are struggling or considering making any changes to your diet, health, or other applicable areas. You should always do what is right for your own personal life.
My heart is full for those who struggle. Struggle with depression. Struggle with anxiety. Struggle with infertility. Struggle with weight loss. Today I am feeling so so much for those who just plain struggle and want to let you in on the real secrets of this past week.
Most of the time I manage my own depression just fine with medication, prayer, and healthy choices. But this week, all went haywire. I tell you this, not as a cry for sympathy or even encouragement, but instead, I want to encourage you.
Even when everything is not fine,
I want you to know you are not alone!
Whatever your struggle, whatever your dark hole, you are certainly not alone. There are a million other people that can relate to what you are going through. Transitions, loneliness, loss, grief, or just Tuesday can bring on all kinds of stuff that ultimately leads down a dark hole. And in my case its the dark hole of depression.
I am by no means an expert in depression, I only know what works for me. I see a doctor to regulate my medication and I speak openly with my family and friends about it also. My thoughts are not to be taken as medical advice – they are simply my thoughts, opinions, and what works for me. If you are struggling please see a doctor and get some professional help!
What’s a girl to do with these feelings and the knowledge that everything is not fine? What should I do when I’m on the edge of the darkness? That is the million dollar question, right?
There isn’t one perfect answer, but a multitude of trial and error experiences that we must draw from. Some successful, some not so much.
In the end, we are left with are a few do’s and do not’s if you will.
Let’s be honest, I eat when I’m unhappy. I also eat when I’m lonely and sometimes when I’m bored. So for sure – I ate. I tried very hard to stay within my #noom calories, but honestly, I failed. When eating more calories didn’t work, I tried adding wheat. Pizza to be exact. But that didn’t work either. So I gave in. I had a Diet Coke. (I have not had one of these in 11 weeks! – ELEVEN!) Can you say desperate? Oh, and by the way, it didn’t help either.
There is nothing to perk me up like some fun home shopping. However, currently, I don’t need anything. I don’t have space for anything. And I really can’t spare the extra change on anything. So guess what I bought? Refrigerator organizational bins! Who doesn’t need to organize their fridge?
I know you want to. When everything is not fine, you want to just curl up in a ball and see no one, speak to no one, listen to no one. But don’t do it! It’s OK to welcome your introverted self and take a bath and read a book. You don’t have to go to a big party, but DO NOT isolate yourself completely. Let someone in to help you.Even when everything is not fine, I want you to know you are not alone! Click To Tweet
A lot. Go to bed a little earlier. Get up a little later. OK much later. And take a nap in the middle of the day. This response might not be feasible for everyone, but currently, I don’t have much going on that is very pressing. In fact, I believe that is part of the problem. So sleeping for me was actually a really helpful response. It passed the time and helped me.
It was SO. HARD. but I got out and walked the dogs daily. I had been walking with them twice each day and for a couple of days they only got one walk, but I did it. I walked. I even put on my headphones with some great worship music and kept on walking. To be honest, it wasn’t fun but at the end of the day it was an accomplishment and during this time, I really needed an accomplishment.
Take Your Meds and/or Your Vitamins –
Lately, I’ve been listening to Dr. Aviva Romm. She is a brilliant physician/herbalist who focuses on women’s health. Her podcast is amazing and I’ve added a few herbs and vitamins to my regimen. I believe that is helpful. I highly suggest you check her out.
And of course, if you are on meds, make sure you are taking them consistently. Duh.
Tell someone that everything is not fine. I’m so lucky to have Big Jon. He has learned over the years how to help me handle things. When I told him I didn’t want to go somewhere because I was having a bad day, he didn’t question me. He simply asked what happened and when I told him that absolutely nothing happened he just nodded. He stayed close enough that I could crawl into him if I needed to but he didn’t push me. He was just there. Like he has been for the past thirty years.
It is so important to have someone who can watch you during the valleys. Someone who knows you well enough to know when things have gone too far and you need to seek more help.
DO NOT KEEP YOUR DEPRESSION TO YOURSELF!
LET SOMEONE HELP YOU MANAGE IT.
It might be your spouse, your sister, your friend, your doctor, or your therapist, but you NEED to let someone in on your crazy. Don’t do this alone! Please.
I am happy to report that today is a little better. I was able to get up before 10:00. I went on a 1.5-mile walk with the dogs. And now I am writing. I plan on doing some cleaning and even some sewing this afternoon. Everything is going to be fine.
I’m going to be OK.
Are you? What do you do when you are about to go down that dark hole? What do you do when you begin to think that everything is not fine anymore?
Share your struggle with me in the comments or pop me an email. I would love to encourage you, pray for you, whatever you may need. That is what I’m here for.